


And the World Watched

by FamRoyalty



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Adopted Children, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Adoption, Alternate Universe - Foster Family, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Father-Son Relationship, Foster Care, M/M, Modern Era, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-25 20:16:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9842159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FamRoyalty/pseuds/FamRoyalty
Summary: Alexander was ten when his abusive father left him and his mother. They said his world would turned a little brighter.He was twelve when his mother died. His world came crashing, and buring down. They said it would be better, that he could get pass this.He was thirteen when his cousing comitted sucide. Now a year later he is in America with a whole new life, and with strangers that won't leave him alone. Strangers that promised a better life, but adults are always liars.Or a Foster Care Fanfic no one asked for.





	1. The world against the Immigrant

**Author's Note:**

> This was already posted in my Fanfiction page, but like hey what the hell if I posted here as well.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of a story that tells of a immigrant and his struggles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: Hello, long time no see in this story, huh? Anyway, the only reason I'm even here, is to edit this and hope it doesn't go to shit.

 A _lex watch the snowflakes fall from the yellow sky, his whole life was on the floor. His home was nothing but rubble as he watched people that he knew once running and screaming for their love ones. The hurricane not only brought the end of his world, but his home that he has taken shelter was in his feet. He looked up and saw the snowflakes fall on his face, how delicate it felt, like silent tears. He moved his hand to his face, moving away the snow as he continued to watched the world around him_

_People were ignoring him, strangers were screaming as they dig dead people out of the rubble. He closed his eyes, he took deep breaths, like Mama taught him to. But he found it difficult to. His lungs were burning. His eyes stung, his body shook, he could feel the cold spreading through his body. How long he was paralyze like this? When he watched the yellow sky, people with the white helmets were ushered people away. But he just stood there. His mother would be angry if he was just being there and not somewhere safe._

_All of his prize possessions were probably buried down there. So he pulled his sleeves and began to dig like those around him. His cousin was nice, he could help._

No he's dead.

 

_The voice that kept him alive answered back. He knew that. He was smart enough for that. All of his things were washed away, all but one thing. It was a small book that he could fit in his pocket. Inside was a picture of him and his mother. His throat was closing up again. His vision was getting darker, more blurry but he had to keep looking. A small pen, a watch and a ripped photo. This was all he had remaining of his life. Oh what would his mother say? What would she say when he says that the storm ate their precious possessions were washed away?_

_He shook his head. He needed to be strong, like his Mama said. He needed to keep his head high, and not back down. And like this he could get away from this island and get a good life somewhere better. But he told her that he liked it here, and with her. She just laughed and smiled sadly at him. He didn't know how long he was there, but his hands and feet were bleeding. But the sky was still yellow, and the snowflakes still fell. He found more. He small backpack that his father gave him. Thinking about it, this was the only thing that he ever gave him, apart from the bruises._

_He missed his Mama. He wanted to hear her voice, telling him to keep his head up and to be strong._

_Then the people came. They were the rescuers that were pulling people away from the rubble, and apparently he was one of them. They kept saying how badly his hands or feet hurt, and he told them the truth._

It didn't hurt.

_He was numb. He didn't feel the pain or the blood pushing through his injuries. They tried to force him away from his home and he fought. Like Mama told him if somewhere ever tried to take away his home he should fight tooth and nail. And he kept truth to his word. Even the town's people tried to pry him off the rubble. He was staying firm on his grounds. The yellow sky was getting darker. They forced him into a truck as they were forced to carry him. He was silent as he was next to others who they too were silent. Some were sobbing, others were praying. He didn't do either. When they arrived at the camp, they ushered him to a white tent and cared for his wounds._

_He didn't know how long he was there but eventually he was allowed to roam out. The yellow sky was still there, and the snowflakes were still falling at his face. For the first time, he couldn't deal with this. He didn't now what to do so he sat down and took out the small journal. He learned that all of the pages were blanked. So he took the pen and began to write. He didn't know what he was writing about, just anything that kept him away from this destruction. He remembered how hid mother praised him whenever he wrote a small poem or a piece of work. And how not many knew how to even read or write like him, and his Mama was a constant reminder of that. The pen meet the paper and he paused for a second. What should he write, he wondered._

_So he wrote._

_He wrote about his pain, how his home was destroyed how his cousin committed suicide, how his mother died while he lived, how his father left them with nothing but dept. He didn't know that he was causing attention. He was out under the yellow sky armed with nothing but a pen and paper. There was a journalist there. He quickly noticed the small boy hunched over writing in a small journal. He had the same look as the others, but there was something else there. Something more and he quickly snapped a picture. The town's people began to notice too. They were a very small town, where all they did was work in the field or mountains. All those who knew how to write or even read were either gone or dead. He was neither. He was young, too small but big enough for a future. Word got around and they slowly began to surround the child. They had not seen someone write so fast, so perfect either. When he lifted his wary eyes up he noticed that the town had his eyes on him. One man stepped up and spoke for them all._

_"What's your name kid?" He held his breath for a minute. His name?_

_"My name is Alexander Hamilton," And he watched the grey snowflakes fell around them._

* * *

 

  Alexander watched out into the new country that he was being shipped to. He ignored the woman, who was apparently with foster services, who was talking about the new family who was going to adopt him. He knew his father was somewhere out there, and when they understood what he did they went out to hunt him down. The Social worker woman was still talking about the family when they landed. He knew it was rude for him to ignore people when he was being talked to, but he never asked for any of this. He wasn't mad, or sad. Hell, he didn't know what he was feeling right now. He didn't want to talk about the new family. All he knew was the big things.

  They were American politicians. Were rich and living in New York. He often heard in his town how in New York he can be a new man. Thinking about his town he quickly missed the tall and green trees that flourished in the summer. They were quickly replaced by the grey buildings that reached the sky.

_And for a small second the sky flashed yellow._

  Alexander hugged the small bag he was carrying with all his might when they began to reach the destination. Around them were big mansions that were far apart. Is this where he would spent most of his life? Somewhere far away from his land? No he needs to forget. He was in New York, here he was going to be a new man.

_In New York, you can be a new man._

  So he must forget the green mountains, and the trees along the dirt road. But he can't forget how the town gave him all their money and attention when they heard about New York. They told him to study hard, and do not forget where he came from. But even thinking where he came from, he no longer remembers the green tress, but the rubble and the screams. The yellow sky and the snowflakes.

  The car stopped roughly and that quickly snapped him out of the daydream. He can't make a bad appearance like this. So he held his head high and looked out straight ahead, just like Mama told him to. There was a man and a woman waiting in the entrance of the mansion where the social worker handed them some papers and shook their hand. The man had a stern face and with authority but with kind eyes. The woman wore a soft face and intelligent eyes.

  "Good Morning, Mr. Washington and Mrs. Washington, I'm here to drop him off. I do hope the best for all of you," The Social Worker along with Alexander walked in with her holding a hand in his back keeping him from walking the other direction. He stared in awe as he saw the walls and flooring. It was just like those of the American movies he sneaked to watched. He blocked the talking as he stared at his shoes. He jumped slightly when the social worker smiled down at him before retreating to her car before waving away. Alexander couldn't help but feel small when she left.

  "It's so good to meet you! Well we'll get you settled. Please call me Martha, and welcome to the Washington's," They were smiling too much, their eyes sparkle too much. He never seen someone so happy to meet a complete stranger before. They talked about the way of life here, some small rules, and the things that he could do.

  "We have other children here, but most are in their friend's house right now," Martha explained how they had two more kids here. An Arron Burr, and a Lafayette. He was here. Not six-foot under like most of his friends in the island he left behind. When they arrived at the room, his breath was caught in his throat. The room was far bigger than any room he had ever seen. The biggest were in a hotel where he worked for a week. Even then it wasn't as big as this massive room he could possibly call his own.

 "We can help redecorate this room if you want to, son." The single word and right then his mind went silent. He wasn't called that by anyone. His mother always calling him pet names, and his Father was always too drunk or hitting him to call him that. He cleared his throat.

"Um, thank you, sir," He hated how his words came out small and broken, but right now his mind was somewhere else trying to figure out who these people were, that were already far too friendly. He was still in shock he argued with himself as the man smiled brightly at him.

"Please you can call me George if you want to, get ready. We'll bring you some clothes is that okay?" He was only able to nod and George smiled. He kid was so much smaller than the pictures that he had seen. And so shy as well, though unlike Martha he was able to keep his excitement to himself, but even he couldn't help but smile. Alexander sighed in exhaustion.

He was given all these good clothes and soon he was going to meet some other children whom he was going to share the roof with. He was so surprised by the shower that Martha showed him how to work. The water was so warm and nice against his skin. But he couldn't help to wince when the water hit his feet and hands, still recovering from that day. - _The screams, the howls of the wind, the water, the snowflakes, oh god the yellow sky-_   he winced at the cold air nipping at his skin as he dried himself off. The clothing they provided was nice and warm unlike what he was previously wearing. There was a knock at the door and he quickly sat up and cleared his throat that was quickly closing.

"Yes?" The door open to reveal a young looking boy. His curly dark hair looked really nice, something he didn't see often in his town.

  "Oh you must be my new brother! _I hope you like it here, I am Marquis de Lafayette!_ " Alexander looked up, not prepared for hearing a language that he hasn't expected to hear again in this house. He quickly replied before the boy could correct himself, " _Thank you, I'm Alexander Hamilton,_ " The boy-Lafayette- looked very enthusiastic when he heard him return the greeting in a fluent french.

  "Wow, you speak french too?" His voices showed how eager he looked and it might had been contagious as he too smiled back. And Lafayette had the resists the urge to hug the small kid. He looked really small and with a small short conversation with Martha that warn him not to hug attack him, because he could easily frighten. He couldn't wait to show him to his band of rag tag friends.

  "Well Alex, we have a lot to do! C'mon I'll show you around," And he was a little hesitant but he got up and grabbed the hand that was offered by the kind boy. And for a small second he believed that maybe this wasn't going to be so bad. But he knew this, whatever it was, was not going to last.

 

 

* * *

 

 

George Washington is a normal man with work and an amazing wife, with two children he calls his own. 

  But the word "normal" can have it's limits as his work is for the U.S Senate, and it's truly a miracle the stress of the job hasn't killed him yet. He meet Martha when he was just a teenager in his hometown, and soon after he married her. She too went into a good job as a lawyer. Their lives were good. Then when they applied for Foster Caring, they haven't expected what they got. Aaron Burr was the first one to come to their lives. His parents were killed in a car accident involving a drunk driver and a suicide note. 

  He didn't talk at all for the first days, and it took weeks for him to eat properly again. They dealt with panic attacks and his lack of words, either way they loved him no matter what. His mind was older, he is kind towards everyone, but he doesn't state his words when the time comes. Either way they wouldn't ask for anyone else. Then Lafayette came and changed that.

  His parents were some of the richest in France, and they came to America for a business trip. A robbery gone wrong and Lafayette is left an orphan. His heritage is only open to him, as there are no living relatives alive in his home country. He barely spoke English and then he is shoved into an unknown country with a whole new culture. A friend of his contact him and asked for him if he would like to foster care at least, as he knew that George is a honest man that wouldn't take advantage of a child of money. 

  He spend day and night studying and speaking his language, preparing for his entrance. When he did show up, he almost lost his grip when he first saw him. He was small, and his eyes never meeting anything. It took weeks, but he and Martha taught him everything they knew, and even Aaron spoke more for his sake. He slowly unwrapped himself and stated to speak more English, started to smile and joke around. 

  And eventually the pair soared through the skies. Lafayette laughed more, and Aaron spoke more as well. They couldn't be happier, and he or Martha ever wished for anything else but them. 

 So when Martha almost breaks his door by busting into his office, with phone at hand, and tears at her eyes, he couldn't help but to think of his children. He quickly stood up and made his way to his wife. "Martha? What's wrong, did something-" She shook her head and she put the phone on speaker.

  "Hello? Mrs. Washington? This is Henry speaking from the Foster Care, I have a placement for you," And they spoke for a brief time, agreeing to take this kid in, as he send his file through e-mail. He gave a brief background on the child, born and raised in Nevis a small island in the Caribbean before a hurricane destroyed much of it. Orphan after his father left, and Mother died of a same illness as he had.

  They were already heartbroken when the file finally came in. It showed a picture of him. A small, skinny, with dark eyes surrounded by dark circles. Age sixteen and he already witness death at first hand. 

  Martha placed her hands on his as he started at his picture. "Look how small he is.." Her voice carried to his ears as he looked at the fragile child in front of the image. He nodded to her, both silently agreeing to take this child in, he looked at the name and smiled a little. 

 

_Alexander Hamilton._

 

  It had a nice ring to it. He smiled sadly as Martha muttered under her breath about his weight, and he wouldn't denied how much it startled him as well. He heard chatter and laughter from the floor below from the closed doors, and it must be Aaron and Lafayette coming back from school.

He turns to Martha who had a thoughtful look on her face, "Sweetheart, should we tell them before we call Henry back?" She placed her hand on his, and kissed his nose. 

  "I'll talk to them, send an e-mail if you can and join us downstairs," He nodded wordlessly as he quickly opened his e-mail and began to write back a response. His mind wondered as what this Alexander could be like. Growing up to a place so different from theirs, and he realized that he was already worrying over him before he even knew this kid.

He smiled as he heard his kids voice in the kitchen as he stepped out of the office. He took a deep breath before stepping down in the stairs as he meet them surrounding Martha.

  "Kids, let Martha breath," Lafayette jerked to face him so quickly he worried if he had gotten hurt. He looked a little breathless and a excited spark in his eyes. He smiled as Lafayette poured him with questions.

  "What's he like? Is he like me? Where's he from?" He smiled softly as he saw that Aaron was holding himself back from asking questions unlike Lafayette. But he is just as excited as he was. 

  "He's an orphan as you two are, and he's from the Caribbean. Don't you guys have to be somewhere?" He remembered them telling him about tonight as they were going on over to Lafayette's boyfriend place, Hercules Mulligan. He meet the kid, even before they started to date, he knew he was just the thing that he needed. Lafayette shrieked as he looked at the clock, completely forgetting about the plan. Aaron rolled his eyes as Lafayette almost tripped over himself, as he texted a small apology to Hercules.

  "He wont be here until tomorrow I believe, so don't worry," He kissed his forehead as he took the keys to the car and running out of the house. It left to Aaron as he looked at them expecting something. Martha poured herself a glass of water as he sat down in one of the chairs.

He sighed as Martha handed him a glass of water, "George what's his name?" George smiled. 

"His name is Alexander Hamilton,"

 

* * *

 

George fixed his shirt for the fourth time this day as he stared at the mirror. Henry called and said he would sent a trusted friend to drop Alexander off. Martha too is a little anxious as she bounced from place to place fixing things here and there. He never made such an effort to impress people but his Martha. 

  A knock in the door brought him out of thoughts as he quickly made his way to the door as Martha fixed herself, and he understood that standing just outside the door was a child that he would be taking care as his own.

  He opened the door and was greeted by the social worker. He almost missed him standing behind her, as some shield against the world, he was smaller than Aaron and Lafayette making himself smaller. His heart broke at the sight of his pale face with a sorrow if almost scared face. Even through that he put smile as Martha welcomed them. 

  They talked about his past for a brief moment, and talked about how they needed anything they should contact her. As she started to leave, Alexander seemed to be paying attention to the world around him. He resists to take him into his arms as Martha talked about the household, and when she was finished they started to show him around the place. 

But his breath was truly taken away when he saw the face of Alexander when they showed him his room. 

  It was obvious as he saw the awe in his eyes. He is so young to have such tired eyes, or the way he made himself smaller when he stepped closer to him. "We can help redecorate the room if you want to, son," He made himself smaller as he spoke with such a quiet or broken voice.

"Um, thank you sir," George smiled, he was so shy. Martha seemed to a giddy child in Christmas as he looked at the boy who is already taken a spot in his mind.

  "Please you can call me George if you want to, get ready. We'll bring you some clothes is that okay?" Alexander nodded as he and Martha moved out, and for the first time since his arrival, he went to collect everything for him. 

"He's so small," Martha whispered as he put together clothes for the boy. He kissed her cheek.

"He is but don't worry we'll figure everything out," And he believe that no matter what this kid would become something the wold had to watch out for.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next time I update


	2. Meet the Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe this family is okay after all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there, this chapter will involve a bit more angst than the others, so if you have any triggers please continue at your own fault. I do hope you enjoy so far.

 

Alexander didn't get enough time to compose himself as Lafayette dragged him around the house. Unlike the dread that he once felt when he enter the house, he felt a bit more relax as Lafayette held his hand.

 

So when he an Lafayette arrived at the other boy's room he was already jumpy as it was. The room was nicely decorated and the walls were of a soft color, giving it a warm atmosphere.

 

There was a guy sitting at the edge of the bed, reading and not giving a mind to them, with that Lafayette then proceed to jump on him. Alexander gave a small surprised noise on the back of his throat as the boy gave a small scream. He flinched a little, but the other two were a bit busy to noticed. The boy gave him a hard push, making a laughing Lafayette fall into the floor. The scene was heartwarming yes, but when the boy noticed him his laugh was half way out, now stuck in his throat.

 

The boy composed himself and stood up. His hands clamped and he resits the urge to make himself smaller. But did anyway, he was petrified and stuck in his spot. The boy gave him some mercy as he smiled and made himself just a little less intimating.

 

"I'm Aaron Burr, you're Alexander right?" Alexander gave a small nod, before turning his attention to Lafayette.

 

He was looking at him oddly, but before he could pointing it out and apologize, his voice filled him and the french wrapped around him like a blanket. _"Alexander, you don't have to make yourself smaller as you already are,_ " Alexander gave a small nod and Aaron gave him a surprised look.

 

"I didn't know that you spoke french," Alex gave a weak smile, before turning to be just a bit smaller, ignoring the Frenchman's comment. He hated situations like these. Where no matter what there was always going to be a fuck-up and he's the caused of it. He could feel his eyes burn through him. He hated when times came when he had to meet the other children that he shared a roof with. But they seemed different.

 

He couldn't put words to it, something that should be ironic as much as he used to talk like how he wrote.

 

Lafayette placed his hand on his shoulder, "Alexander why don't we show you around the town? I love to for you to meet my friends!" Aaron rolled his eyes, and Alex's eye widen at the thoughts. Him, meeting his friends? That never crossed his mind as most people ignored the bastard child and beside he knows that he won't last long here, no matter how nice it may seemed.

 

He desperately wanted to refuse, but if he said the opposite of what he wanted there was no saying how he would react. Aaron, the miracle worker, seemed to pick up on his mood. He stepped up and put his hand on Lafayette. 

 

"Maybe you should give Alexander more time before dragging him, Laf." Lafayette gave them both a sheepishly look before looking at Alex with a sad face. His playful face soften as he took a look at him.

 

"I'm sorry Alexander, I get carried away sometimes," Alexander's mind stop for a small fraction of time, thinking over his words. He was apologizing for something that needed no apologizing. The only sorry's he ever got was during the times where people threw at him whenever they looked at him and use those sorry's as a mockery. 

 

 "O-Oh you don't have to be sorry," He wanted to say so much more, but those words died out in his mouth as Lafayette gave a look that he couldn't quite place.

 

Aaron chose this time to walk in as he gave Lafayette a pat in the back playfully. He  smiled a little as he watched them, but a knock in the door stopped them. Alexander whipped around as the other two to see Martha and George with their heads poking through the open door. 

 

 

"Sorry to interrupt boys, but lunch is almost ready," Alexander resit the urge to run as George fully opened the door as Martha came in with a warm smile in her eyes. They held intelligence with a drop of warmth, but unlike George they were soft. Lafayette laughed as Aaron nodded, they smiled at their children laughter but when their gaze wondered to him they flashed with sadness, as their smile fell just a little. 

 

He wince in side as he already saw how their smile was already falling when taking one look at him. Martha stepped up, the warm smile still in it's place.

 

"Alexander, sweetie, what kind of pizza do you like?" Alex stopped to think for a response. He heard of them, seen them, but never was close enough to actually taste the American food. 

 

"I-I don't know really," His voice came out broken and small, as he made himself just a bit smaller, hoping for some mercy from above.

 

He vividly remembers whenever he asked someone else apart from his mother for things, they would mostly beat him for the questions.

 

 

Martha smiled though, as she could see through the eyes of the hurricane that was Alexander Hamilton. "Well what about cheese?"

 

 

He nodded wordless as Martha smiled at him nodding, oblivious happy to get an answer from him. George sized the moment to walk in the room while Lafayette was chewing out Aaron's and Martha's ears of how French pizza was better than American pizza.

 

 

He jumped when a large hand landed on his shoulder, he almost cried out. The hand immediately moved away and he turned to face an apologetic face George. 

 

 

"I-I'm sorry son for scaring you, but can we talk for a second?" Blood froze in place and his automatic mind nodded as he mindlessly followed the awkward George into his office.

 

 

It was barely far as the room itself is nicely decorated and had a warm atmosphere. But even that couldn't calm his nerves as he looks at the man before him. 

 

Then his thoughts were pilling. He didn't understand why he is being called by the man. He did everything he was asked for, he didn't ask for anything. He didn't misbehave or was loud. The fear with the runaway thoughts is never a good combination. 

 

George Washington is bigger than any man he had seen, and that went to the people who always chased him in the streets of the island. But George seemed to pick up on his anxiety and moved a little away from him.

 

 

"You're not in any trouble, if that's what you're wondering. I just wanted to talk to you that's all," His voice is strong, a commanding force to be reckon with. Yet it held far too much emotion for someone who wasn't to care for Alexander.

 

 

He nodded silently and George hesitated before continuing, "I just wanted to tell that you can trust us okay? I know you just got here and you're still adjusting but I- we- want to help you, okay?" Alexander nodded again. 

 

 

But unlke his surface his thoughts were put of control, war turn between memories of the past and the emotions that he was feeling. But then a small broken thought whispered through the screaming of the others.

 

_What if he actually cares?_

 

 

The thought itself is absurd as the kindness of the family. He almost forgot where he was when George continue to talk. 

 

 

"Alex I understand that you might not like me, but please try to give us a chance to prove ourselves. So what do you say?" The awe and admiration on this man is unbelievable. Did he truly care? 

 

_Yeah, and the world is purple. Use your damn head! This is all a trick!_

 

 

Alexander gave a small smile and nodded. "I-I would like to try."


	3. Dinner and broken promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander walked upstairs, dark throughts clouding his vision. The bedroom door closed behind him as tears were falling. His back slid down as the screams in his head drowned everything around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for not updating as fast as I should. This supposed to be in the last chapter, but then I got a bit tired so yeah. Angst!
> 
>  
> 
> Quick question who shall I pair up Alex with?

After the small talk with George in the office, he returned to his bedroom. He could still be paralyze with the realization that _this_ is his. 

 

He had his very own bedroom, something he can call his own. That is something still new for him as he sat down in the soft green sheets of the bed. The soft light coming from the window, he couldn't help but feel like those times with his mother.

 

But he was being naive. They would get to the end of the week and their mask will fall. They were trying to get his guard down so they could hurt him more, he knew from experience. Alex took out the journal out from the work out backpack and began to write everything and anything that could keep his mind from going all crazy.

 

He didn't realized how much time he spent in the pages of his writing that he jumped when a knock on the door pulled him out of his thoughts. He quickly shut the book closed and cleared his throat before answering. 

 

"Y-Yes?" There on the other side was Lafayette with all his glory. But with a phone at hand and a smile on his face. 

 

"Mon amour! We have to be mentally ready to the amazing time that you can spend with me!" And then processed to jump into his bed. 

 

Alex let out a loud squeal as Lafayette covered it with his laughter. His usual ponytail was now all over the place as Lafayette began to ramble about the be and good life that this place offered. 

 

He began to take mental notes on the names that he mentioned. There's the Schuyler Sister's (" _they are very nice, with the three being all amazing_!") The Charles Lee fellow, (" _I hate him, most of the school does, he is a very bad guy with mean attitude!_ ") And the Hercules and John Laurence ( _"They are my best friends! They are very nice and I hope you guys get along Mon Amour!")_ With many more names blurry into his skull.

 

And that's all they did for most of the afternoon. He had never meet a person that spoke as much as Lafayette in his life, but like a good change. However like the time had to turn short as Lafayette began to receive many notification in his phone.  When he pulled it out to answer Alexander's breath spiked. It was an Iphone, the brand new one that just came out. Yes he seen them out in posters and ads but never this close.

 

As he began to reply to his friends while taking to him did impress him. He almost forgot that he was listening to him when he pulled him out of his thoughts. 

 

"... And then he thought that we were dating! I mean what was I thinking right? Anyways I think Martha already finished with Dinner. We can go down now," Alexander's eyes quickly flew to meet his. Did he hear it correctly? They were giving dinner?

 

He already ate two times! He was lucky enough to have breakfast before coming here, and adding that to lunch. He always no matter what, fought for his food. Either in the streets or when he was placed on those families in the island.  Lafayette glanced up from his phone when he heard no reply from his Caribbean foster brother. Alex was still thinking all of the bad shut crazy this family is turning out to be when he jumped at the hand in his shoulder.

 

"Hey we could wait if you want to," Alex shook his head. Even if he didn't deserve to have Dinner, he shouldn't keep him away from the fun of the food. 

 

 

Alex smiled, anything to keep that energetic smile on Lafayette's face. "It's okay, I'll join you later okay?" Lafayette seemed hesitant from leaving him, But when Martha called from downstairs he followed quickly. 

 

Alex sighed as he made it to his room. He was already too full, and the thought of food itself was making him dizzy and nauseous. But he knew that he couldn't hide in this room forever so he made the choice of going downstairs.

 

But he didn't get far as he heard laughter coming from the kitchen when he was in the last step. It was Martha's and he could hear Lafayette's as well. 

 

Then his mind wondered to the times when he and his mother had before. Before they went home to his abusive father. Before the sickness. Before the hurricane. Before everything bad went to worse.

 

 

Thinking of it all, he is drowning in the screams of the people, the voice of the hatred of his father. Everything seemed far too big and too close. 

 

Alexander walked upstairs, dark thoughts clouding his vision. The bedroom door closed behind him and locked it for safekeeping as tears were falling. His back slid down to the floor as the screams in his head drowned everything around him.

 

He choked back the sobs threaten to escape his mouth. He didn't want to ruin their moments as a mistake that he is. He wrapped his arms around himself, trying to keep himself from shaking.

 

 

He hated the sounds that his throat was making. The sobs were muffled by his hand, and he shut his eyes as the tears too were threaten to escape. 

 

Then a knock came. He froze, still hyperventilating as a voice followed the knock.

 

"Alex? Food is ready,"  _It's Aaron_ his mind provides helpfully. He wants to answer, he wants to tell him that he would be right there. Yet his voice is too far away and he doesn't quite trust himself from stuttering. There was more knocking and the concern was clear even if there was a door in the way. He shouldn't be here, calling for him instead of being downstairs laughing with the rest of the family.

 

_Look at the mess that you made now._

 

The voice, a familiar that was long forgotten in his childhood said through his spiraling thoughts. His mind wondered back to Lafayette and Martha. He wished, ached to be like that.  

 

_He is now missing out because of you._

 

It was true. Alex gripped his arms tighter around his body as he thought more of it, completely ignoring the other footsteps coming to his direction. It was a dumb move really, but he 

 

_Why can't you stop? Are you too dumb for that as well?_

 

"Alex?" There was more knocking, and his breath hitched. He could no longer hear the knocks, or the concern voices. Everything was spinning, the room was in two and the voices were becoming distant. 

 

The room is becoming dark, and then a crash of the door opening made the finally push. 

 

Their were hands on him, voices calling for him. But he was drowning in the hurricane and the voices were far too away to listen. His eyes wondered to the top of the water and just waited until the voices kept muffled by the storm of the hurricane.


	4. Moonlight in the ocean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron walked upstairs, quietly not wanting to disturbed the chatter downstairs. He looked to Alexander's door and knocked twice in the already silent room. Then he heard the muffled sobs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm sorry for not being as fast and this is a bit rushed as I went back to correct some things. I do hope you enjoy it so far.

Aaron walked upstairs, quietly not wanting to disturbed the chatter downstairs. He looked to Alexander's door and knocked twice in the already silent room. Lafayette told him to go and fetch Alex as he still hasn't come down to get his food. George and Martha had outdone their every best to impress the boy and he wouldn't blame them. As they too had try to impress him, to make him feel more like home. And they did. They took care of him in more ways  than one, by providing the best for him. He smiled fondly at the memories and he finally came face-to-face with Alex's door.

 

He knocked twice, "Alex? Food is ready," When he didn't hear any shuffling behind the door at all made him frown.

 

Then he heard the muffled sobs.

 

He barely missed them. They were so quiet, muffled by something and then behind the door, but he could still hear the silent sobs. He pressed half of his face into the door, praying that his mind was playing some form of trick on him. That he wasn't hearing Alexander Hamilton cry. Yet he could hear the hyperventilate breathing from behind the door. He froze, he once too was in that same place, and he knew how dark that road can get. So he called again.

 

"Alex?" He knocked again, hoping that the teenager would answer the door. He knocked more forcefully this time and calling out his name as he try to turn the doorknob.

 

_It was locked._

 

The chatter stop abruptly as they heard the panic in his voice. The footsteps came closer as he saw Lafayette came into the hallway first. "Aaron? What's wrong?" Martha came from behind him. Aaron turned swiftly at them, panic now setting him. "It's Alex!"

 

He didn't need any more explanations as George stepped up and started to knock and call out for Alex, but he knew too that he could hear the muffled sobs coming from behind the locked door. He started to push against the door but his efforts were in vain. Then he remembered, "Lafayette! Go to my office, there's a set of keys, get them now!" Lafayette quickly sprint into action as he ran down the hall running to George's office. George turned back to the door, but this time it was more gentle. 

 

"Alex? Alex, my boy please open the door," he knocked again, he too playing Aaron's card earlier. Martha was struggling not jumping on the door to get through. She been in this position before, feeling completely helpless while the children in her care struggle. She could see it in George as well, as they both remember dealing with both of their children crying in their rooms without their notice. They started to knock again when Lafayette finally ran in, almost falling as he pushed himself to George, keys at hand.

 

George quickly took the keys and began to unlock, and no sooner than later they were all struggling to get through the open door at once. George and Martha were both the first to enter and the first to stop. Their breaths were taken away as they saw what they saw. There, lying in the floor, was Alex tear stained, and shivering. Martha let out a gasp, and they quickly went into action. They keeled to his sides, softly speaking to him. Alex wasn't responding. 

 

"Alex? Come on my boy, I'm going to pick you up okay?" George dealt with this before, he seen his kids broken down into defeat, yet why did this feel so much different. He picked the shivering boy into his arms, and Alex let a small whimper escape. His heart was in his feet, and his chest felt so heavy. The boy didn't deserve this, he was far too young, and far too small. He could feel how light he felt, bones poking out uncomfortably as he could feel them under his clothes.  

 

He placed Alex quietly in the bed, almost afraid that the boy would jump out of his arms. Martha was muffling her sobs, as her chest ached with every breath. He turned to both of his adoptive sons, as they were both ready to do whatever for this boy that they just meet only a few hours ago. He almost let out a sad chuckle but his soul was far too heavy for that. 

 

"Aaron, can you please bring our food up here? Lafayette bring me the medicine in the bathroom and some water for when he wakes up, please," They tripped over themselves as they ran out of the room to follow the orders given to them. He then turned to his wife. She looked so miserable and distraught as she stroked Alex's hair, muffling her crying. He placed his arms around her as she cried on his shoulder. They never had a case this bad, and he knew that somehow she felt responsible. So he did what ever good husband did, he comfort her, whispering sweet words into her ear and calming her down.

 

 

But he somehow felt guilty as he watched the helpless child in the bed next to them. Alexander looked so small being placed in just a big bed, and he couldn't help but close his eyes and pray that he would let them help him. Then both of his sons came in, sweaty and shaking. It seemed that viewing Alex struggle trigger some of their own demons. So he placed a light smile in their minds as he took the warm food from Aaron's hands and the water from Lafayette. He lightly placed a light blanket on top of him and tucked him in, while sitting a few feet away. He didn't want Alex to struggle and think he was in some form in danger. 

 

He learned from experience. 

 

 

He led both of the kids downstairs, much of their protest, as he left Martha alone to watch over the child. He knew they needed to have some air for Alex to breath in, and that sadly meant that they all had to leave. He wanted to stay, hell all of his being demanded to be led back into the room to watch over the shaking teen in the bed. But he needed to calm his own teenagers down first. As he led the frantic Lafayette and the silent Aaron, he couldn't help but feel like this was the first time he was dealing with something like this. 

 

But that was Alexander Hamilton, the boy who is a hurricane to be reckon with. 

 

 


	5. This is the deadline John

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John started to have a pretty good day, honestly. He and Hercules made plans, and soon the news reached them of Lafayette's new foster brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit I haven't updated this in years. I wonder how all of you do it. Anyway, thus chaoter will try to he a bit better and longer but I hold no promises.

John started to have a pretty good day, honestly. He and Hercules made plans, and soon the news reached them of Lafayette's new foster brother. They made the plans, brainstorming how they would introduce themselves. This of course wasn't the first time John made big things in his head. 

He remembers very vividly on how his introduction went with Aaron. He was still a kid in heart and mind, so he didn't have his way with words like Hercules or Lafayette. He walked into the house, Mr. Washington and Mrs. Washington already waiting there. Friends of his family and of his as well. They greeted them, and pulled him aside when he was going to talk to Aaron. 

"Sweetie, please don't say anything about his parent's death, no matter how tempting. Please try to keep your words at check," Mrs. Washington soft voice was somehow softer when he spoke to him at the hall. He remembers nodding and walking in like he owned the world. Lafayette and Hercules not far behind. 

"Yo! So you're Laf's new brother? Welcome! My name is John, John Laurens," He held out his hand to the shy looking boy in the bed. He remembers taking a good look at him, his eyes held emptiness, his face drained from color and his expression neutral.

Hercules pushed him aside and began to talk all about how great their future would be, full of pranks and food. Aaron had barely said a word when he started to cry. The crying that was all tears and ugly. The one that made you panic. Which they did. Lafayette went immediately to his side and somehow the Washington's knocked the door open to let themselves in.

 

They were guided out into the hall by a very distraught Mrs. Washington. She still, somehow spoke them in her soft voice. 

 

"I'm sorry I have to cut this short, but he needs rest why don't you take Lafayette with you to the park?" He clearly remembers how Lafayette almost fought tooth and nail to stay with his side. Yet they pulled him aside and into the park. They say at the very end of the park, where the forest and park met. 

 

He paniced full on when Lafayette started to cry, not knowing what to do he pulled down and started to calm him down. Hercules though, pulled him into his lap. Before they were dating of course. Then Lafayette spilled all how Aaron would get nightmares, how he would wake up to the sounda of screaming. He was hopeless in that situation. He swore that he would help him. 

 

And they did. Hercules took lead this time and they made their way to the familiar home of the Washington's. Lafayette told them that this Time, they should be more careful than Aaron. That this one, this foster child had gone through a lot of things that they didn't know of. To be careful of what they said. 

 

John shudder when he thought when he made Aaron cry when he mention his name or by how he acted. It felt just like before, walking in the dark where sharp glass at the floor layed. But he didn't have time for forgotten history as he walks towards the door with a smile on his face.

 

And his smile falls as he takea just one glance at Aaron. He could feel Hercules go stiff as he looked at his state. But before he could point it out, Lafayette come in looking even worse. 

 

His usual puffy hair looked a bit down and untame. His face, well he looked like he cried for hours (which he did) and his eyes were just as sad as the day he took him to the park. 

 

Hercules made his move first as he immediately wrapps his arms around him. The Washington's came into view as well, and he couldn't help but think of the worse of things as he watched how grim their expressions were.

 

"Hey George, Martha. What happened?" His voice came a bit quiter, as they were all silent and he couldn't help but feel like he too bad to whisper. 

 

"Good evening sweetheart, Alex just had a little breakdown a few hours ago. Why don't you take Lafayette and Aaron to introduced you to him?" She gave a gentle smile that would warm up your chest and feel your skin tingle with happiness.

 

"Are you sure Martha?" It was George voice that cut through the room. He knew by heart that George was usually a very organised and well-kept so it did startle him when he saw the state that he saw him in.

 

His skin was ashy, as his eyes were tired in a similar state as his wife. His shirt was a bit messy, as he tried to smile for them. 

 

"Oh I'm sure, maybe a little social contact naught be good," George nodded reluctantly. John felt a little pull of guilt, knowing that maybe they shouldn't be intervening in their home. Hercules though was excited to meet his boyfriend's new foster brother. 

 

"Hell yeah! Let's do this!" Even in the darkness time Hercules always made some sex joke and made it a little brighter to be in. As Lafayette and Aaron led the two to the upstairs room, he couldn't help but notice how quite the Frenchman was.

 

And by the expression of his friend he could tell he could tell as well. John just prayed he didn't regret coming here and the new kid would hate him for some reason. When they finally reached the doorway, Aaron wordlessly opened the door as John felt his breath caught in his throat.

 

There in the bed layed the most beautiful boy John as ever meet. His hair was spilled in the pillow, giving him an angelic look. His lips were puffed anf rounded, ached to be kissed. And my lord those eyes! John might be a little insane right now, but he could see every fault and grace of the angel on the bed.

 

First of all he was too skinny, the skinny where he needed food or he'll break a bone. But he couldn't  help but see his skin as soft. But he snapped out of his thoughts when Hercules particularly shouted his name. 

 

"Yo! Name's Hercules Millugan, pleasure to meet you," Hercules made his way to the shaking boy in the bed, which he stopped near the edge of the table. He cleared his throat, not wanting to make a bad impression on the angel of course. 

 

"I'm John Laurence, it's nice to meet you," His gaze found themselves in the eyes of the kid, and he could melt right away if he had broken the eye contact. 

 

"I-I'm Alexander Hamilton, it's good to meet you," And  suddenly he didn't regret coming to the house, for it was all worth it just heading his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you have it. John meet the angel face Alexander Hamilton. I'm planning to do Alex's pov next and the follow up as well. Anyway, do hope you remotely enjoy that, cause there's no telling when I'll update next.


	6. Well this will end well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George didn't know what to do now. He was now at loss, as he watched Aaron pace, his face written with worry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just letting you know, this is going to be a short chapter. Hey, I know I haven't updated this in so long but don't worry I got this! I hope you enjoy it so far and yeah.

Alexander gazed up into the grey ceiling thinking over what the two stranger that had entered the room just a few minutes ago. He knew it was a bad thing to lust over other men, but he was already going to hell, according to his priest when he entered America. He knew that he should be more careful around this new family. Yet he couldn't help himself to be more selfish. His family would probably think of his as a freak, and send him off to another family. 

Then he would have another breakdown, and the process repeats itself.

Alex sighed as he could feel the walls closing in, the anxiety closing his chest and his eyes stung. As he took deep breaths of the air he desperately needed he could still feel the lingering touch of the freckled man- John. His voice was soft, carried by the wind and never to fall apart. Soon his chest started to open again, air rushed in and the deed was done. As Alex laid there taking in the air like a drowning man he co9uld still hear John's voice.

_You know, you don't have to be here in this dark room by yourself. I-I could stay behind if you want to._

 But Alex was stupid, instead he told the freckled angel that no, he didn't need company and that he should be fine with himself in this dark room. Yet look at himself to be a prime example. But again his logic side came knocking down, what if this freckled boy wanted to do? What was his motive? And why the hell was his back so stiff? Again all very important questions. He smiled amused up into the wall, as he could practically hear Martha and George pacing from his room.

Ah, so they are getting rid of him. His other families too paced whenever they decided that he was worth it or not. Most likely not.

 _But one can only hope,_   Alex grinned when he heard the childish voice in his head. It belongs to an islander back at home, a young girl. She was always running around, her parents both working to have a better life. He already knew the story, but this girl was special. Unlike most of the island she didn't b other with the social circle, how to survive whenever people talk to you. Yet she fitted perfectly. She was so very optimistic, thinking that both of them would get off the island unscrat. Telling him to be a bit more optimistic.

They found her body buried under the rumble the first day. 

Alex sighed again, so much for being optimistic.

 

 

* * *

 

 

As Martha stayed in the kitchen, pretending that she was preparing the meal of the day, they knew better that she was stalling. George was her long  time husband, that meant he had gotten to know what she felt by watching her back. Alex's panic attack gave her a frighgt, just like what the other times when they both received when they gave a home to both other children. She was slowly putting the vegetables into the stew, and he could hear her brilliant mind working a solution. George sat in the red couch, a glass of clear water at hand. He had stopped drinking shortly after he married Martha.

George could feel his throat closing, threatening to cut off his air supplies as he saw Aaron pace around the room. He could feel his worry coming from him, as he too waited for the rest of the children to come down from Alex's room.

Then as he too was about to pace around Hercules and Lafayette coming down from the stairs their face grim, and ashen. He immediately went to their side, the glass of water left on the side. He knew some of the sidelines, but Martha couldn't handle it for far too long, as he swore to never let her go through that.

She was always kind, but being hated in the sidelines, shortly after seeing her father being taken away by cancer. He clearly remembers when his high school sweetheart was found crying in the bathroom floor. Martha wrapped her arms, gently around her husband. She could feel the anxiety from here. 

"...George maybe we should talk to Alex about the therapy," George nodded mutely again. She sighed as he was walking upstairs, a cup of water at hand. They both thought of as a small child, even if he was technically thirteen. A child notherless.

As she passed Lafayette's room, she could see the worried faces of both Aaron and John. Hercules and Lafayette were trying to lighten up the mood as always. A small burden to carry. She knocked softly. 

"John dear, it's getting late. Don't you want me to drive you home?" John shook his head, a smile forming in his face.

"Nah, I'll walk home Mrs. Washington, but thanks," Martha nodded, george waiting patiently at her side. They both nodded and walked cautiously towards Alexander's room. George knocked, his voice carried over the closed door. 

"Alex? It's me and Martha, we'll be coming in now," They both enter to see Alexander sitting upright on the side of the bed, a bag a his feet. He looked a bit better than before. He was silent but Martha smiled at him.

''Alex, me and George were thinking that maybe we should go to therapy. It truly helps talking to people, and if you don't want a therapist then you can talk to us. We are here for you," Alex looked so surprised, like if no one had ever offered some help towards the boy. That thought was enough to break her heart. Alex was silent a few seconds, looking back and forth between George and her. 

''... Really?" Martha nodded and Alex brought his head down. 

"Yeah I'll like that,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next time!


	7. The day of celebration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander Hamilton, the boy who always stated up too late, scrawny and dark eyes, wasn't the first person in mind to approached to be friends with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Caution, mentions of self harm!

Alexander Hamilton, the boy who always stated up too late, scrawny and dark eyes, wasn't the first person in mind to approached to be friends with. The facts stayed true as his few days in his new household after the Incident and the Washington's have yet to get rid of him. He was going to the therapist, for that was only a wish. He was so surprised when he found out that not only were they keeping him, but also they weren't going to raise a hand at him.

So he had to walk with caution. He never spoke too Loud, or too soft. He didn't speak until he was spoken to, and never wandered around the house. Those were rules that dictated his movements and words. His "fancy spoken" words could be welcomed, or he could be punished for speaking. Life taught him everything and anything that could happen. 

So this we unexpected. 

His "family" thought it  would be a good idea if they went around town to see the sights. To help him get out of his shell, they said. Well he heard from the other side of the wall when they thought that he was asleep. So he stood with the hoodie covering his hair, awkwardly standing there while the family was trying to get him to talk again. So he only talked to them when they asked, if they didn't mind. Alex held his tongue, it had become much harder to control in his younger years, when they said if this was all okay. He lied of course. They had already becoming so nice to him that he didn't care if this was all fake or not. It matter too much now.

Lafayette is good company, even if he sometimes slips in french. He always apologizes though, even if Alex perfectly understood him. But they didn't need to know that. So they were in some parking park, that they had landed on. The tress were calming, like the clam before a storm. The dread in his stomach grew a bit more by the second. Even if the sun was out and arming your skin. When George had brought two girls that emerge from the other side of the park.

They talked like they knew each other from a really long time, like family. George smiled at him, far too often really, and aved at him to come over. The dread grew. Alex walked a bit faster, putting on the smile that he often wore around the Washingtons. The girl in front of him was very pretty, long black hair that stood out beautifully from her blue baby dress. The girl beside her too was beautiful, her skin almost shining in the sunlight.

He could describe them in a thousands of foreign words that wouldn't make sense to the common person. But he closed that part of his mind and smiled brightly at them. 

"H-Hello," George gave him a small smile of encouragement which for some reason his mind responded with that small praised. 

"You must be Alexander! It's good to meet you, George wouldn't stop bragging about you," The girls talked to him like they knew him. The Alexander Hamilton that read in some adoption paper. If they didn't know the darkness in  him- Which thank god they didn't- and what did they say about bragging? About _him_?

_Probably saying that to show how good of a person he is._

"Yeah, call me Angelica, this is my sister Eliza," The girl in the summer pink dress pointed at the blue dress girl- Eliza- who was blushing when he meet her eye. _Maybe it was the heat._ Alex stood awkwardly, he read many books on human interaction, explaining on full detail what to do and what not to do.

But, again, that was years ago. He didn't Know if the dorms have changed or remained the same, and the abuse didn't help. But thankfully George had somehow sensed his internal struggles for help and went to pick up his conversation right before it got awkward. A life saver that man is. So Alex became the ghost again, just sitting in the sidelines and looking at the conversation from afar. 

Not that he minded of course. But it seemed that life wouldn't get enough of him, as Lafayette came at his side. His "brother" seemed to be pulling someone by their arm. Another dark hair man, with pretty dark eyes. But there was something in those eyes that he didn't like. But the thing that disturbed him most was that they were identical. So Alex waited for a full two minutes for Lafayette to finish speaking in a fast tone to fully explain things to him.

"Alex! Meet my cousin, his name is Thomas," Alex smiled like he did to the rest of the stranger that he meet in the day so far. Alex stood in torture as Lafayette went on to say his whole family tree history, which included how two brothers had a fight and in spite one went to the U.S. But fell in love and had three children, Thomas descendens. Then how decades later the two families finally meet again, in the result of Thomas and Lafayette meeting each other as children.

 Very interesting, really.

The sun was falling down, rays gliding down on the grass to the trees. It was pretty when you're not thinking of running away. Thomas gave him another weird look, before departing saying of something to do with work.

 Alexander returned to the house with two exhausted parents and an over excited Lafayette. He wasn't complaining, not really. They gave warm soup, where it warmed his chest to go feet. So he smiled despite what his mind told him, the instinct that were sharpen with time and experience always told him to run, to flinch away from these people because if he didn't then he would seriously hurt. And deep down he knew it was right.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Alexander pretended to laugh again, but despite what many thought or said Lafayette has a very sharp eye. George and Martha were blinded by the sheerness of Alex laughing that they didn't notice the stiffness in his back or how his face was becoming a bit red. But he didn't blame them, he too was blinded it wasn't until the interaction with Thomas that he saw how uncomfortable Alex was.

 He was sure that Aaron knew it too as he was looking at Alex as well. Alex finished more than last night which was always good news to the parents that were always concerned. But he saw how sick Alex looked when he caught another bite, and George saw that. Alex excused himself and went back to the room. Aaron and Lafayette stayed behind, talking out Martha of going up there to check on him. He knew that this was enough action for a day for the poor guy. 

Aaron walked up with Lafayette as he came to the door of their new adopted brother. With three knocks the door opened to reveal a tired caribbean. He pretend that he didn't see the flinch nor the heaviness in his eyes. So he smiled and told him it would be another day. So he pretends for his sake, and Aaron does too. 

Even if it doesn't look like it but the little man had grown on him since the first day he came into their lives. He is sure Aaron does as well. So he swear under the stars that he will kill anyone that will try to harm his family.

 

* * *

 

 

Alex stood stall in the room, careful not to wake anyone up. (Even if he knew that was impossible) but he did supposed to know how hard some things die. His eyes were stinging again, and his throat burned, but that was okay. Because if this family maybe he could get away with some things. Like testing the waters he supposed. So he raised the razor into his arm and let the pain dull the chest feeling away. 

He shaky stood up, his breathing becoming more of a labor, as he hid the little piece of heaven away from prying eyes. He looked out into the his room, the bathroom connected to his was a miracle really. His chest contracted, buzzing around in his head. He felt guilty, yes that was the word. His tongue was failing him again, he was younger and his mother and him huddle in the floor with a dictionary, learning new words.

So he wrapped the bandages around his arms, closing the blood away from his sight. Yes, the family didn't need to know. They had enough of his burdens, they didn't need to know the things he thinks behind closed doors. The pillows around his head were almost like supports beams keeping his head on his shoulders as he closed his eyes. Yes tomorrow would be another day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you later!


	8. Remembrance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex remembers. He remembers when times were okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry I haven't you know updated this in like months. But I'm here. For now. But I hope that you're doing alright, and see you next time I hope.

_The pain that traveled through the limbs and through the skull wasn't too bad. He can do this. He can. He just needed to see his mother, and his brother._

_Where was James?_

_ He couldn't see that far, his hearing was wrong, and he couldn't pinpoint where his mother was. _

_Where is she?_

_He could still see though, it hurt. The lights were too bright and the smell of vomit and sweat was nauseous. But he could see her. On the other bed, made from scraps of cloths too dirty, and from soft cotton._

_She was sick too._

_Her hair was sticking to her skull, her forehead shinny and her bones were showing through her skin. She looked worse. Her lips were too dry, and her eyes closed. But she was breathing._

_Where is James?_

_Their mama was too sick to moved, the doctor said. That a few days of rest and good medicine would be the miracle that they craved. But good medicine was a luxury that they couldn't afford. That they were too poor, even as his mama worked too much and earned too little._

_Where is James?_

_ He could still move, his joints stuffed and his back hurt too much, but his mama needed him. Or did he needed her? It didn't matter, what matter was family and now, his family was in the other side of the room. He moved through the pain that left him shaking and gasping, biting through pain.  _

_His mama opened her eyes, finally, when she felt the bed dip. Her eyes were glassy, too blank but that's okay because she opened them and she was smiling._

_Where is James?_

_ James had the medicine, he said, with the money that they all earned that he will go to the other side of town and get the good kind of medicine. That was hours ago. Or was it days? Minutes? He doesn't remember. But when his mama pulled him in, and kissed his head, everything was okay. _

_Because mama was here, and she will make everything okay._

_ James didn't matter now, the sickness didn't matter now, his father didn't matter now. Just mama and him and everything was okay in the universe. _

_He never remembers falling asleep._

* * *

_They said that his mama died in her sleep, peacefully and without pain. That she went to heaven and was with God. He always believed in God, but now everything seemed a little dim. But it's okay because he alive. They said that James was too late to save their mama, but not too late for them. That it was a miracle._

_That didn't matter though, because mama was dead._

_ Dead, unmoving, and he couldn't deal with this _

_His father came back._

_He hit him and kicked, and smashed, slashed, and he cried that he killed mama._

_Which wasn't a lie, not really. Because that was the truth, which he was a murder._

_He left afterwards, only came to collect James. That he needed a worker and that he was too weak and too sick. That brought bad luck. He saw them get on the truck and left him in the dust._

_(He could swear that his heart broke and the world was a little dimmer)_

* * *

_He moved to his cousin's. He was always nice, said that his mother's sister was his mother. So that made them family and nothing was more important than family. And he is okay with that._

_He stayed with him during his birthday. And it wasn't later after a nice meal, that he realized that this was the first year without mama. Everything was nice and warm. He didn't have splinters anymore, or blisters in his feet._

_And he had his own room, small, yet his. He still had the small dictionary in English with fancy, old words that he and his mother would learn._

_But he now has a bed, and with warm food. And his cousin too. He was always tired, but always smiled. It wasn't after his thirteen birthday, a year since the Accident, where his cousin was extra nice and gave him a brand new journal. Took him around town and bought him many gifts._

_(Maybe it was an apology)_

_Later that night he would find him hanging from the ceiling. And he cried and cried, even after the social worker came and, the police too, and he still cried._

_Because after everything, life came and took and tore everything apart._

_He still cried, when the people left him in the stranger's home. A nice old woman, that have him a pouch of money when the social workers came. A new program, something that would benefit everyone._

_She said, in a low voice, "Take this and never stop. Take this and get a better life."_

_She died a few days later._

* * *

_He was in the States. He already knew English, maybe that's why they picked him. But that doesn't matter because his mama is dead, his cousin is dead, and James is gone._

_ But the Journal in his lap is the only company that he has now. It was still stiff and new, but it was an escape.  _

_They gave them to a nice couple in New York. A city where you could be a new man. A new start. The social worker told him that this was his new start, not to mess it up._

_He as kicked out three months later. That the young new couple couldn't deal with the strange Caribbean kid who cried and cursed them out._

_A different social worker came for him. The young couple apologized and bid him goodbye._

_The social worker was nice. She gave him a candy and told him to stay tight and that he will have a home that would fit._

_But he knew from experience that you should never trust the word of an adult who "wants" to help you. Because those are the liars, that want to cause you pain._

_Those were the lairs._

_So he kept his mouth shut and his eyes closed._

* * *

_ Four more homes and his social worker finally gave up on him. He was wondering when she was giving up, she was young and pretty, sure she would make a wonderful mother. _

_She said that she was giving him to a nice family, a desperate attempt to keep him in line. A couple in Virginia. With two sons, adopted. She smiled and lied through her teeth._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next time I update


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